Your partner has left the house, he will not return for a while, so what’s going to happen with your sex life? Of course, you can be perfectly fine in his absence for some days, but suddenly a spark ignites inside you, maybe you exchange some dirty messages with your lover that is far away, you start missing his smell, his body, and it’s completely normal to feel the need to masturbate.
It is a different universe for each woman when it comes to masturbating, you might feel guilty, or maybe you don’t know how or where to start. Well, set aside your worries, because in this article you will find all the information that you need to masturbate while he is gone.
Is it ok to do it without my partner?
Of course! Masturbation is an important part of our lives as humans. For this reason, you don’t need to feel ashamed for what your body desires. As Gigi Engle, sexologist from the magazine Swell, states; many couples had this wrong idea about masturbation during a relationship. This is attributed to the culture of shame in which we grow up, mainly in religious families or communities. Another possible trigger of the feeling of shame might be an authority figure who disapprove or condemn the act of masturbation.
Laurie Mintz Ph.D. shows how this guilt is affecting women, by stating that “when I polled my most recent class, 89 percent of female students said they’d masturbated—but almost a third felt guilty about it. When Joyce McFadden conducted a similar survey, the results were even higher: Seventy percent of the women in her study felt guilty about masturbating”. As you can see, this thought of guilt is common between women since it has been taught to us that giving ourselves pleasure is wrong, which as we all know is a normal human process that men and women need to experience in their bodies.
So leave that shame and guilt out, it’s time for you to enjoy one of the pleasures of being alive, to know your body and your senses better, in this way you can talk with your partner about sex, about each other, and how to make your time in bed a wonderful experience.
Now, the next step is to understand that masturbating while being in a relationship is not cheating on your partner.
This is actually a pretty common way of thinking, according to Christina McGrath Fair, counselor, “individuals may feel that their partner should share their sexual desires and behaviors with them and not go at it alone. A belief that solo sexual activity should stop once someone engages in a partnered relationship may be based on the idea that their mutual sexual activity should be satisfying enough not to necessitate it. There could be a feeling of being “left out” when they discover their partner is engaging in sexual activity without them. Clients could fear their partner will enjoy the solo sexual activity more than mutual sexual activity with them. Masturbation could serve as a substitute for intimacy and trust in relationships(…) Solo sexual activity becomes an issue in a relationship when someone is turning down their partner for sexual activity but engaging in masturbation instead”.
Do you relate to this description? If the answer is yes, don’t worry, your partner is not leaving you for his hand, and you are not leaving him for your fingers or toys. Respecting each other’s freedom is the most important thing in a relationship, and freedom, when it comes to sexuality, can spice up things in bed.
If you feel insecure about it, or about how your partner will take the fact that you’re masturbating yourself while he is not at home, I strongly recommend talking about it, only in this way you can clearly comprehend each other’s point of view about this topic. Think about it, your partner might love the idea and give you a whole kit to start this new journey in your sexual self-discovering.
Benefits of masturbation in your relationship
it’s not a secret that masturbation brings many benefits to our daily lives. As you can see in our previous article The ultimate technique for stress relief, you can literally use masturbation as the best medicine for your body.
Now, when it comes to a relationship, things get even better. Following the idea of the counselor Christina McGrath Fair, masturbation can be incredible for:
- Women with sexual dysfunction, since it can increase sexual desire and sensitivity.
- Lead to an increase in desire, arousal, overall sexual function, and lubrication.
- Self-discovery, to find out what people like and don’t like sexually and how they need to be stimulated, which can spill over into mutual encounters.
In this sense, masturbation is crucial to have a healthy relationship with our partners. That’s why we need to start talking about it. We are in the 21st century, there’s no space for guilty and shame while talking about sex with our lovers. It’s a talk we need to have to enjoy each other’s bodies better. Only if we understand our needs and desires we can teach our partner, only if our partner understands his needs, we will understand them.
Are you ready for this self-discovering experience?
How to masturbate: A life essential
We understood that this is an important part of our lives, is also essential to learn some tips to start this journey. Certainly, we all have our little tricks, but you might be surprised how little we women know our erogenous zones. Did you have a class on how to masturbate 101? No? Well, here you have a guide that comprehends many techniques, parts of your body, and sex toys to enjoy yourself.
First thing first, let’s understand with which zones we can play with in this wonderful table made by Annamarya Scaccia:
|Orgasm type||Type of masturbation|
|clitoral||Most people use their fingers to play with their clitoris, but vibrators and other toys can also bring pleasure during solo play. When you orgasm, you’ll feel a tingly sensation along your skin and in your brain.|
|vaginal||You can use your fingers or a sex toy to penetrate your vagina during solo play. You’ll feel the “Big O” deeper in your body, and your vaginal walls will throb.|
|anal||You can use your fingers or a sex toy for anal play (although a toy is better for deeper penetration). Right before you orgasm, you may feel an intense need to pee — only the contractions are around your anal sphincter.|
|combo||This one is all about personal preference. You can use both hands to play with your vagina and your clitoris or a combo of a sex toy and fingers. When you stimulate your clitoris and vagina — especially the G-spot — at the same time, you’ll feel an explosive orgasm that may leave you convulsing or even lead to ejaculation.|
|erogenous zones||You can rub, pinch, pull, squeeze, or tug your nipples, inner thighs, ears, neck, and other parts of your body during solo play. These areas, known as erogenous zones, can cause pleasurable sensations throughout your body when played with.|
As you can see, you have many options to experience different types of orgasms. Isn’t that amazing? Even the skin can contribute to give us an incredible orgasm, but you need to discover how and where. This task takes some time, so don’t rush, set your mood and environment to enjoy this moment for yourself.
Don’t you know how to do it? You can start by turning the music on, something that makes you feel sexy or desirable, or in other words, music that turns you on. Perfect, then you need to relax and leave your imagination to take control over you, think about your lover, about that last night you spent together, or the many passionate nights you have been together.
If that doesn’t work, you can add a visual element, maybe you can ask your lover to send you a hot pic, or you can watch ethical porn, which according to Alex Shea, “(sometimes called feminist porn or fair trade porn) is pornography that is made consensually, treats performers with respect, and pays performers and filmmakers fairly for their work”. This kind of porn was born in the need of sexual content that is not only directed to the male desire. “It also often shows more realistic depictions of sex, including people with diverse body types, queer relationships, and real female pleasure”. Some recommended sites are: Bellesa, Bright Desire, and Make Love Not Porn, all run by women who understand the need for a more realistic and feminist visual material, that doesn’t objectify women and try to show a real love scene.
Not a porn person? That’s totally fine, there are also many erotic books that are waiting for you to start reading them, and the best part is that many of these came with an audio version, so what’s your excuse?
So now we already set our environment and mood, let’s choose some toys to play with!
You can find all of them in our catalog.
This one slippery boy right here will your best friend, not only with your toys but with your partner. A great tool that we all need, here we are going to recommend one of our best options to start:
Astroglide: This water-based lube is an incredible friend for those moments you want to enjoy by yourself.
There are many products that will give you an incredible clitoris orgasm, but don’t miss the Aria Flutter Tongue Purple, which arouses and excites with the flickering motion of its soft silicone tips! Flutter Tongue delivers 7 different vibration modes and quiet operation. Its fluttering tips create tantalizing sensations against the clitoris or nipples. Made of body-safe, satin-smooth silicone, Flutter fits easily into the palm of your hand. A hygienic storage cap covers the internal stimulator to make sure your toy stays clean and discreet. Fully waterproof and USB rechargeable is easy to clean and simple to maintain.
As we know, there are many types of bodies as well as many types of vibrators, so make sure you find the right one for you, here the Olivia Black is one of those that are designed to fulfill the expectations of many types of bodies. This classic and wonderful design has a 10-speed motor, is waterproof, and it has a USB charger included.
These orgasms are definitely completely new to many women. If you want to start this experience without your partner, so when he gets back you can give him a quite incredible surprise, I recommend using one of our kits, in this way you will have all the tools you need to enjoy anal masturbation and anal sex.
This kit includes everything needed to get started: butt plug, anal beads, vibrating butt plug, which offers 3 speeds and 7 patterns for tailored pleasure, and an anal douche. The toys have a finger loop or flared base, offering peace of mind for beginners to anal play. All the pieces are made from black silicone and ABS plastic, 100% waterproof.
Now that you have all the information and tools that you need to start this amazing self-discovering journey, it’s time to let your sense run wild while you love yourself. Remember, masturbation is a common thing we all need to experience, there’s no place for shame and guilt in something that makes us humans. If you are still with doubts, talk with your lover, and listen to each other’s minds in order to rediscover each other’s bodies.
Take your time, don’t rush yourself, you don’t need to have an orgasm at the first trial. Know yourself, so now when your lover goes back home you will give him a great surprise.
Don’t forget to check our catalog where you can find the perfect toy for you!